where have all the good men gone?
thoughts on modern relationships + finding peace in Jesus
In the month of all things love, it has felt easy to become bitter watching people my age finds someone they love and can share their lives with, some even becoming engaged or married during this time. As someone who has been the subject of failed talking stages, I have become anxious wondering if this is all worth it. I am ready to become a monk and live a life of solitude if the dating pool keeps looking like this. As a young woman, it becomes a heavier burden as it feels like wondering through a wasteland trying to find a decent guy who genuinely wants to get to know you while also not trying to push boundaries of lust. I have always been a young hopeless romantic, I dream of a life of marriage and kids and all things love and relationships, just like the romcoms and romance books I have loved since I was a kid. But in this modern age of dating, it is truly possible to receive a love I wish for?
I could seriously go on about how many bad first dates I have been on. But this particular trend poses a question for me, “Where have all the good men gone?”
But as I get older, I notice that love is not what we see in the world, but the love that Jesus has for us. I believe I will meet a man so sincere in his quest for Jesus that he knows what it means to be a man made from the image of God.
Jesus knows our hearts, that why we were not made to follow it. If I were to follow my heart, I probably would still be dating a guy that made me feel like I was constantly walking on eggshells, but I loved him, so I felt like I had to stay with him. I constantly questioned if this is what love was supposed to feel like. I learned soon after that I was digging my own grave, that the feeling in my stomach wasn’t butterflies but fear. I never understood what peace was until I fell into Jesus.
He knows our plans, that why I feel peace knowing that Jesus knows the person I wish to spend my life with. As of right now, I acknowledge that maybe I am not ready for a relationship. I can feel that my heart needs more work, my spirit needs mending, and my mind needs to lose focus on the world and focus on His word. There is a lot to be done, but I know the Lord is moving in his own pace. As I sit in the corner of my local coffee shop, I can’t help but feel overcome in awe of how He cares and loves us.
His story is the greatest love story ever told. No amount of romcoms, romance books, or art can even compare to His love that He shares with us. The truth of that is, the is really all I can ask for. A love like Jesus.
So, I can look at our modern dating system and be frustrated of all the guys who are not up to my standard, I know it does not mean that good guys are a scarcity or that good guys are truly extinct. In this big scary world, there is evidence that there are men who love deeply and truly care for women. Although it feels like a mission impossible, we can take heart in knowing that there is nothing impossible with God.
We are all made in the image of God. Today’s western media has been trying to warp women into believing that all men are horrible, and as much I can share my own narrative on how badly I have been treated by guys before. I will not let the anger of my past hinder my future love. I will not let my heart be jaded into accepting love from someone new. I know if I continue to let the hurt from my failed relationships haunt me it will continue to lead me in anxiety with any new relationships.
The beauty of Jesus is that we are not mean to be anxious in our life. He has us in the palm of His hands. Honestly this article is more for me and my own convictions because I have been living my life in fear, I have what many call “anxious attachment”. When a guy shows any amount of interest, I find every flaw I can find and convince myself he is not right for me then I run away–not looking back once.
But when I remember how Jesus looks at us, his eyes full of love and grace. I am reminded that how sweet His love is, how slow He is to anger at us, how tender He is to us. I am left to sit and think about the goodness of Jesus and His true peace and promised in our lives. In that moment my eyes begin to see that fear, anger, and bitterness have no place in any part of our lives especially in our romantic lives.
I am rested in knowing that there is someone made for me, someone out there who is kind, gentle, and loving. Until then I will continue to bring life to my future husband because our tongues have the power of life and death. If we use our tongues to spread hate and evil against men, we will have a hard to understanding what to do when the right one comes. I am learning to truly believe that the Lord hears my thoughts and knows my desires. I believe in His timing, so I understand not to rush into anything, because only God sees what I can’t.
Therefore, as the days come and go, watching people find their own joy in their relationships, I will take heart in the blessings and promises God has already given me in my own life.
I pray that my soul may be tender to His peace and plans for my life.
Tender to His love and forgiveness for others.
Tender to the miracle of it all.